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GrandChildren |
Ce'Leste D'Riel
Va'Lan D'Riel
An'Lin D'Riel
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Y'Roden watched the door slide shut as a man on death row would his cell. He avoided looking at the woman he had once loved above all else, there was a sinking feeling in the half-elf's heart. What had once been a fun loving open relationship was forever destroyed by an action that had been completely out of his control. His Lisse Nwalme was gone forever . For a mad moment he missed the old days. Those stolen moments when Chase had been away. But no ... his life was so much different now ... it revolved around his love for Silverthorn, as it should.
"Ghettie..." the Prince's voice was hoarse, shaky. "The word sorry seems an utterly ridiculous expression at the moment. So I won't bother. We both know what happened and why ... you know me ... you know ... I never would have let it happen if I had been in control. I don't expect forgiveness ... nothing I can do can ever fix what was broken. I can't give you back what was taken. I can't calm your fears ... I can't even hold you and soothe away the pain like I once did. I've become something worse than Avathar in your eyes ... understandably so." He was just letting the words come out in a rush, unable to stop himself. "I love you Ghet ... I would rather have died than hurt you ... but I couldn't take innocent lives with me."
Ghet's eyes trailed after Galain, hoping he was going to be okay. Sometimes it was worse to be the one on the sidelines, watching and helpless. The absolute best he could hope for was that everything would go well and his wife would end up closer to Y’Roden. Whee.
When Ro spoke, she looked up at him. It was easier to look at his face than listen to his voice. That voice had said things to her she wanted desperately to forget. But those eyes were green. Indifference in green eyes would hurt her more than anything she'd seen in red.
His pain tore at her. She still knew him, he hadn't changed that much. And she still couldn't bear to see him suffer. Slowly, she walked over to him and took his hand. "Y’Roden, I know. How could I not know? It's not your fault. I don't blame you. You had to make a choice, and if that decision had been in my hands, I would have made the same call. Yes, it hurts, I won't lie. But gods, Ro, I don't hate you. How could you think that? I love you. I know you tried to stop it." Her other hand reached up to stroke his face. "You're as much a victim of this as I am, and I know it."
It took all the willpower he had not to flinch away from her. Ro had experienced some serious issues with being touched and touching others, since the last time he had been here. The half-elf had nearly regressed to the state he had been in several millennia ago, when he had first returned to Whispin. It was affecting him badly and it had taken a lot of work to keep it from affecting his marriage. Fortunately for him, Silverthorn was an extremely patient woman.
Steadying himself Rodi took a shaky breath, turning his face into the touch of Ghet's fingers. A tear escaped, falling to scald the redhead's skin for a brief second. "How can you even bear to touch me?" he whispered. Ro's hand moved in hers, a feather-light stroke of fingertips on her palm. "You SHOULD hate me ... I've changed your life irrevocably. Neither of us are ever going to be the same, and we are bound together ... inextricably. There was a time I would have given anything for that ... but now, it just damns us both to a living hell."
There was nothing more essential to Ghet's nature than love. It was beyond her to be angry or vengeful right now. What he said confused her. They'd always been bound in a way, why would they be more bound now? There was something here she didn't understand, but she would have to pick her way towards it gently.
"Ro, I won't tell you it's easy. Going through all those years without having you touch me wasn't easy either. But in a way, it's harder for you than me. I only have to trust you, not myself. And if it turns out I'm wrong to trust you, which it won't, all I'll really have to worry about is stopping my husband killing you. Which wouldn't be easy, admittedly." She flushed. "He really hates you. I don't know if that can be repaired."
She let go of his hand and stepped back a little so she could look at his face more easily. "Ro, we've always been bound, no matter how hard we tried to pretend otherwise. Why would it be any different now?"
Y'Roden shook his head slowly, "There is betrayal between us now. What we shared before was consensual, a fair exchange of love and pain. The Demon destroyed that, he took without permission, he HURT you. I'll never forgive myself for that ... I can't. I lost control and YOU suffered for it." The Prince of Corin drew a deep shuddering breath that made the dark fringe of hair between his emerald eyes vibrate, "Don't worry about Galain, he deserves his revenge, but I won't let him kill me. My lifeline is bound to Silverthorn's, death is not acceptable ... which is how this all happened in the first place. For her ... I'd kill him if I had to. I'm sorry Ghet, but I would."
Catching the redhead's gaze he sighed, then gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "Come sit down with me Ghettie, we need to talk. This isn't easy for me to tell you, and it is going to be even harder for you to hear. Just please remember that I love you ... ok?" The half-elf led his ex-lover towards the couch, urging her to sit so they could face one another. He needed to look her in the eye and tell her this ... no matter how much it hurt either of them.
Fear began to stir in Ghet then, a little cold fist of apprehension that told her something was about to change. She sat, and her mouth twisted as she tried to find the words. "It's not even just that complicated, Y’Roden. If Galain dies, so do I. I know she comes before me for you, that's how it has to be, but you also know I'll defend Galain to the death."
She sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Ro, what we did, that time, between us... it let the genie out of the bottle. Half-out, maybe. And okay, we stuffed him back in, but... that action had consequences. We made the decision to walk that line, and we've both got to live with what comes of it. That was what gave him the knowledge, the will, to come after me, and that was as much my fault as it was yours."
She bit her lip. "Y’Roden, if there's something you have to tell me, I'd like you to just tell me. Because you're starting to scare me."
"Ok ... so maybe I wouldn't kill him," he admitted, "Not if it cost me you." It was no use arguing over who was at fault for what. Ro and Ghet were both martyr types with highly fatalistic tendencies.
The question at hand needed to be dealt with ... and Y'Roden had no idea how to go about telling her. "It isn't that easy Ghet. If I wasn't absolutely positive I'd have trouble believing it myself." He looked her in the eye ... taking a few moments to steady the rapid beating of his heart.
"Ok ... I can do this ... We've shared just about everything over the time we were together. Right? Where to start?" A helpless sigh shook him, then he decided diving right in was the best way to go. She was right ... his silence was frightening. "Ghet, you are well aware that my blood has been slowly changing you over the last quarter century or so," he reached out hesitantly and stroked the tip of one slightly pointed Ghettie ear. "What you don't know, is how deeply the changes have gone. How much of you they have ... restored."
Drawing his hand away the half-elf ran a frustrated hand over his face, closing his eyes for a moment before continuing. "I don't know HOW you couldn't know. A woman's body works in set ways ... maybe it is the stress you've been under. From what I can tell it’s only been over a year or so since things have regenerated. Do you know what I'm talking about? Oh Gods Ghet ... ok, you aren't barren anymore. I mean you REALLY are not barren anymore ... you are carrying a child."
There ... it was out ... and he felt like crawling under the couch. It didn't occur to him that he had missed a crucial point there...
Ghet just boggled at him. She was aware her shock had shot through her bond, but she wasn't ready yet. Honey, she sent, hang in there. I'll tell you when I understand myself.
Then she concentrated on the suddenly phenomenally difficult task of stringing together a coherent sentence. "Y'Roden, what the hell... this isn't funny. What's wrong with you?" Synapses were starting to fire now, and the whole thing was sounding more and more credible. That didn't mean she could deal with it, though. "You're telling me your blood, what, decided I was broken and it could fix me? I liked being broken." She shook her head. "You're wrong, you must be. How could you know? When I was pregnant with Marius I was sick all the time. I feel fine. Well, not fine, wrecked, but that's the stress and all the sleeping pills. And okay, that wasn't my body, that was Livinia's. Marius has been quite enough. I love Galain, but that doesn't mean I want a baby. Ro, what's wrong? What's making you say this?"
Ro just groaned and dropped his head into his free hand. "I'm NOT crazy Ghet. I told you, I couldn't foresee how or what exactly would be affected, the D'Riel blood is strong. It brought Galain back from the undead for Gods sake. Apparently it saw your lack of a reproduction system as a fault ... and fixed it."
Lifting his head his gaze found denim blue, "I'm sorry Ghet. Gods ... I never asked for this, like you said ... I was rather dead at the time. If I had foreseen this ... well, ok, there was nothing I could have done to prevent it." He swallowed hard, "Every woman reacts to pregnancy differently, apparently you've escaped the joys of morning sickness."
The half-elf's face suddenly drained of colour, shock written plainly on his face as her last words hit him.
"Ghet ... I never said anything about Galain."
Ghet didn't really hear some of what he said. Her attention had turned inward, her mind running over the last couple of months, seeing them in a different light. Incredulity was turning to fear.
And then he said it. Not Galain. The last piece of the puzzle snapped into place, and she understood it all. The fear in Y'Roden's face, the bond he'd spoken of, the tightness and urgency she'd felt from An'Thaya... She stared at him, her eyes begging him to tell her it wasn't true. "No. Oh no." Her mind cast about franticly, trying to find some way to deny it, some other answer. Something that would allow her to stay sane. Suddenly having Galain's baby didn't seem so bad. She couldn't take it in; she refused to think about what it would mean to bear a child from that... It was a nightmare, it had to be. Soon she would wake up, and Galain would hold her, and it would all be over.
She was still a long way from understanding, still seeking a way out. Her mind was clouded and lost in shock. "Y’Roden, how do you know?"
Y'Roden cringed at the look on Ghet's face, his breathing growing erratic ... he was starting to panic. "Ghet ... I'm S'Hean, we know at the moment of conception." His gaze dropped, hiding the threatening tears. "I felt our child spring into being ... light out of the darkness. I tried to stop Ghet ... It's my fault. I subdued HIM seconds too late ... seconds ... and in that small amount of time, the unthinkable happened. It was me.... "
He shook his head, sensing her fear, wiping away the tears that ran freely down his face. "There is nothing of the Demon in him ... he is just you ... and me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I know this isn't something you wanted ... ever." His voice dropped to a whisper, "If you listen ... if you feel, the S'Hean elf in you can sense him."
That was when everything changed for Ghet. The fear and uncertainly, the disbelief, the gentleness, it all evaporated. Now there was only rage. Now she'd been betrayed.
She stood up, and backed away from him. Her mind was working now, all right. Dimly she was aware that he was miserable, but she couldn't pity him right now. When she spoke her voice was low, but shaking with barely-suppressed anger. "You knew all this time? You knew straight away, and you didn't tell me. You didn't tell me. What, were you too busy? Did it slip your mind?" All the things she'd known, all the excuses she'd made for him, everything she'd just told him, it was all gone. "Did you get all wrapped up in your lovely wife and just forget you'd raped me and made me pregnant? Or maybe you thought it wouldn't really matter, I wouldn't care."
Another penny dropped, and her face contorted with rage. "You didn't tell me. But you told An'Thaya, didn't you? She knew when she came here, that's why she came. Oh gods... I bet you told your wife. You told your wife, didn't you? How dare you? How could you violate my privacy like that? How could you... you've betrayed me. You bloody coward!"
Frustration broke through her control, and she screamed at him, so far gone she couldn't even find words to hurt him with. He'd destroyed her life; she could feel everything she valued falling away from her. Galain would be devastated. It was too much for her to take in even now, how horrendous it was.
All that came out of Ro was a sharp, pained sound. As if Ghet had slapped him. The half-elf didn't bother to try to defend himself, she wasn't listening anyway. Blind fury was ruling the redhead now ... he had seen her this way before, though never directed at him. In his mind, he deserved every word of it.
"I do care Ghet," he said finally, "If I didn't, I wouldn't be here. But I'd never turn my back on you, or any of my children ... including this one." Rodi's emerald eyes were hollow when he lifted his face to look at her. "I couldn't tell you right away. I could hardly string two words together, and you wouldn't have understood them if I had anyway. We were both too far-gone. Saving your life was my first priority at the time ... as I remember it. Talking Galain into LETTING me save your life was more important when I managed to speak at all."
He studied her face, beautiful even in rage. "Do you think this has been easy for me? Do you think I just ran home to Silverthorn and forgot? You aren't the only one to suffer Ghet, not the only one with Nightmares ... that wakes up in cold sweats during the night shaking in fear. This thing LIVES in me, without a constant vigil it could get out, it could kill my wife, my children, you ... anyone I love. My life IS hell Ghet, you KNOW that. I didn't do this on purpose... DAMMIT! I've barely been able to touch my own damn wife!"
Ro stood up, staring down at her for a moment, shaking with something between anger and complete despair. "Go ahead, rip me apart if it will make you feel better. It's about time someone fought back and stopped coddling me. That's right, I'm a coward, a rapist, an uncaring son of a bitch that doesn't give a rats ass about anyone but himself. Go on ... scream at me a little more, let's hear what you really think, how you really feel. Why you really chose Galain over me."
The pounding of the blood in Ghet's ears had abated so she could actually hear him. For a moment, her anger cooled. It never lasted long anyway; she was too practical to let rage cost her. And then he went just a little too far.
"Chose? I didn't choose. I never chose him over you. When I bonded to him, then it was too late. By the time you came back, it was too late to choose. And when I was with you, and I found out he was alive... It was too late, Y’Roden! I couldn't have stayed with you. And by gods, when An'Thaya came back I wished I could have. It would have been so much simpler if I could just have been yours. But I couldn't. It wasn't supposed to be, and you know that. I gave you everything I could, and part of that was a way out. Did you ever realise how much I loved you, ever?
"But you, you chose! You chose the possibility of Silverthorn over me. And all those times you told me, it didn't matter, you were happy with what I gave you, you lied. Were you lying when you told me it didn't matter that I couldn't have children?"
She sat, collapsing in on herself. "We could rip each other to pieces over this. Yes, I'm angry. But you knew I would be." She sighed. "Did you know I could have children? You said, what, a year? I mean, I guess I understand you couldn't tell me at the time, when it happened. I wasn't in a fit state to hear any more. You're right, I probably couldn't have heard that and stayed sane. But, gods, you've taken your sweet time about it, haven't you? I don't suppose you happened to decide what I was going to do about all this?" Another fear stirred, as she finally started to take in what he'd said. "You are sure it was you? Not him? I know you were fighting there, at the end..." She shuddered. Trying to think back was just a bit much for her.
Ro sucked in a ragged breath, the tension leaving his body in a rush. "I'm sorry ... I didn't mean it." He hadn't, not really. It was just all too much for him to take, the half-elf was still fragile ... still breakable, and Ghet had it within her power to completely shatter him.
"It wasn't a lie ... any of it. I thought it was enough, it FELT like enough ... until it just wasn't anymore. Not through any fault of yours, I never stopped loving you Ghettie. My needs changed is all ... and you knew, that someday ... I'd have to take a wife. Corin will need a Queen someday ... isn't it better that I LOVE the person that will rule with me?"
He shook his head, "It never mattered to me that you couldn't have children. I would have loved to have a child with you though. I've known ... since the day we all went to S'Hea. I should have told you then, but I couldn't. Have you any idea how much it hurt me to know? Galain had YOU, and now ... knowing him, he'd have a child with you in no time. No, it isn't any of my business, not anymore. But it didn't sting any less. I know how a woman's body works ... I figured you would find out soon enough. I was wrong."
The Prince sat down, catching Ghet's chin with a trembling finger and tilting her face up. "It's too late to change anything I have or haven't done. I came to you as soon as I was able. As soon as both of us could possibly speak and retain some amount of sanity. I can keep saying I'm sorry until I'm blue in the face ... if that is what you want. I don't know what you are going to do. I know I want this child, and I know that it IS mine. If He had done it ... he wouldn't have let you live. There wouldn't' have been anything I could have done to stop him."
He suddenly withdrew his hand, "At the end? Ghet ... I was fighting him the entire time. I could hear, see, feel...Have you any idea what it is like to be right there... just behind your own eyes, and feel your body violating someone? You call me a rapist ... well maybe, but you were not the only one that was violated that day."
With an iron effort, Ghet managed not to flinch when he touched her. She was still shocked, but also, dimly, she was amazed at how little they understood each other.
"Ro, everything I did, the way I treated you when we were together, it was because I knew that, that you'd have to take a queen. I wanted you to take a woman you could love. And okay, I was a little surprised by your choice - hon, if you'd combed the universe, could you have possibly found a woman less like me? Wait, that's not the point. I told you I loved you after you took me from Avathar. But I fell in love with you long before that. On those first visits we stole from Chase. The whole time we were together I was letting you go. I don't know if it was the right thing to do, but I did it because I loved you. It didn't make it hurt any less when you did leave."
Gently, she moved closer to him. She hurt, again, like she'd been beaten, and she wanted comfort. She wanted Galain, desperately, but it wasn't time yet. She didn't really understand why her ability to have children should hurt Y'Roden. But she was starting to see what he'd thought would happen, how he'd managed to convince himself he didn't need to tell her. Her anger was dead now, leaving an odd hopelessness behind it. Her voice was dull when she spoke. "You should have told me, Y'Roden. It's my body, my business, my decisions. If you'd told me I could get pregnant, I wouldn't be pregnant. I mean, for gods' sakes, I run a brothel." She shrugged. "I guess it took a while for my body to get it right. Ro, I'd be devastated if I was pregnant to Galain. It wouldn't be this bad, but I wouldn't exactly be throwing a party. It's not that I didn't want to have your baby. I just don't like children. I don't want to be pregnant, and I really don't want to give birth." She gave a short, mildly hysterical laugh. "I mean, suddenly picking men that much bigger than me seems like a bad idea, rather than the superb one it used to be."
She didn't want to dwell on it. She'd wait until she was alone to freak out about that part of it. "You're not a rapist, Ro. I've always understood that. You remember that time, the first time we... did that, you remember what started it? What we were talking about? You told me why a man rapes a woman. I told you you'd never do that to me, and I still believe that."
She bit her lip. "You can... 'see' our baby? Will you show me?" Yes, she could look for herself, but she was afraid to do it alone.
Her words hurt and soothed all at once. Their relationship had been a hopeless endeavour from the beginning ... Ro had known it then, but it hadn't stopped him. It was the odd moment of hope over the years that had done him in. Perhaps if Ghet had never said the words ... it would have been easier. But she had ... and the I love you had worked its strange magic, binding him hopelessly to her until it had taken every ounce of his will to win free. And even then ... it wasn't completely, it never would be. Especially now.
"Perhaps I chose someone so different for just that reason Ghet," he said softly. "I know what to expect from Arianne. I can't take uncertainty any more. I'm secure in her love, it never wavers, and neither does she. There is no one else for her, there never will be." He shrugged helplessly, "I need that ... I need her."
The half-elf looked away for a moment, "I should have told you ... I see that now. However, I knew that Galain chooses to create his children ... I never though an accident was possible, not from what An'Thaya has said. It is not an excuse, I know, but it seemed logical at the time."
Ro had flinched a little when Ghet had moved closer to him, the part of him that was still frightened of himself reacting instinctively. Forcing himself to relax he cupped her face in his hands, gently ... a feather light touch. "You've always known me better than I know myself in some ways." The smile that flickered across his features was genuine. The words our child not going unnoticed. Acceptance was starting to set in ... on both of their parts. "Ok ... I'll help you see ... you'll ... do you trust me to touch you?"
Ghet laid her hand over his. "There was no way anyone could have foreseen this. Ro, I think... this is going to be incredibly difficult, no matter what. We have to be really honest with each other. Because eventually, we're going to have to involve Galain, and Silverthorn, and work things out between the four of us. And the most important thing to me is going to be our interests, his and mine. Before that happens, I need you to know, absolutely, that I do love you, still, and that I don't blame you, not for making me pregnant. I need you to know that because, if you criticize the way my husband takes this, I'm going to slap you down so hard what just happened is going to look like paradise. We can never be each other's first priority now, that's just the way it is."
She gave a short sigh, remembering. Their love had never lacked for passion; fiery, desperate, doomed, its intensity would haunt her forever. But it wasn't the kind of love you made a life on. The whole time she'd been with him she'd been torn, conflicted. There had been a great deal of relief in being able to give herself to Galain completely. She'd thought she'd never again have to balance their needs, referee their resentment, and now it was going to be worse than ever.
She pushed the past away. The future was going to be nightmare enough. She still hadn't really got her head around it. "I trust you. Okay, if you took me by surprise, I don't know if I could control my reaction. But as long as I know what you're doing." Then slowly, timidly, she took his hand, and placed it on her stomach. She shook a little while she did it, but it was a step.
Ro sighed, "If I put myself in Galain's position ... I can't blame him for the anger he is bound to feel ... the utter hatred he harbours for me. It'll be worse. I can't fault him; I'd feel the same way. If I were in his shoes ... I'd want to kill me." He shrugged again, "Silverthorn comes before anything else for me, how can I expect you to feel any different where your husband is concerned?"
Then his hand was on her stomach and he swallowed hard. It was still difficult for him. His eyes were filled with stark fear for a moment when they met Ghet's denim gaze, but he fought it down. "Life has never been easy ... I suppose it was hoping for too much.... expecting life to be less complicated. We will deal with things as they come along. Though I'd rather not be on the same planet when you tell Galain ... thank you kindly."
Ro closed his eyes and drew a cleansing breath ..."Ok ... here we go, you remember the drill." His soul opened, timidly at first, allowing hers access to the Conduit. "Our son ..." It brought back memories of a time long in the past, the first time he had shown Ghet the power of the Aethyr. Together they rode the ethereal tides, washed in colour. Focusing on the vibrant dual colour of her soul Y'Roden zoomed in, focusing on the pulsating flicker of emerald green light that was their child. There he is.... see ... he knows you. Go ahead.... let your soul touch him. He demonstrated, letting his swirling galaxy of a spirit caress the tiny pinpoint of light. It flared in response, recognizing the man who had given it life.
For a moment, Ghet balked. It was one thing to know you were pregnant, it was quite another to understand that there was a living soul inside you, already dimly aware. A specific son was quite a different matter from an abstract baby. She watched Ro touch the boy's soul in wonder. Then, hesitantly, she reached out herself. In that moment, the whole thing came crashing down on her; the full pain, and also the possibility that there might be an up-side to all this, something to be gained.
After a long moment, she withdrew. She wasn't really ready yet, but she would be, ready to look on her own, to get to know her son. Pronouns had shifted again. She looked at Ro, unaware really of the tears on her face. She knew what he was like about his children. "When he's born, will you take him?"
Ro's emerald green's slowly slid open, regarding Ghet hazily for a moment. He was gently wiping away her tears before the action dawned on him. An old, habitual gesture. Ghettie was hurt ... he comforted. "If it is what you want," he said hesitantly. "One step at a time Ghettie ... we will see how you feel when he is born."
Y'Roden withdrew his soul slowly, with a twinge of regret. It was the last time he would touch on his son for a while. A part of him was relieved by her request. The thought of Galain having any part in raising his son made the half-elf ill. At the same time ... he knew first hand what it was like to take a child from its mother.
The Prince lowered his gaze a little, "Ok ... Ghet, you are half-Shean, or something like that now. It's hard to tell how much of you is what, but from the changes in you so far ... I have a feeling your instincts will lean in that direction when the time comes. I can tell you what to expect, or you can ask An'Thaya ... which ever you feel comfortable with. Just know that it is much, much different from the human way. S'Hean instincts are strong ... and ALL S'Hean babies MUST be born in the water. You remember the troubles with Imoreki?" He sighed, "I guess this isn't important right now ... there is time."
Y'Roden's touch seemed perfectly natural in the circumstances. On instinct, she'd tilted her face up to kiss him before she realised that wasn't even remotely on. She settled for leaning her head on his shoulder. "I don't know how I feel. I need to think. For a long time. But you know that. Water birth? Seriously? I was thinking, you know, lots of drugs and a scalpel." But yes, she remembered Imoreki. Her sense of humour was returning, at least for the brief period before she had to go through the agony of telling Galain. "I'm human. Completely human. Also half Elen. And half S'Hean. Which makes two whole people, and that explains quite a lot. Good grief, this kid's going to be a proper genetic kaleidoscope."
She sat up a little. It wouldn't do to get all overly-attached to Y'Roden again now. "In a way, this is a good time to talk about things. It's going to be much more difficult once the others are involved. Galain's not going to take this well at all. It's like a constant reminder..." Finally, her awareness started to expand a little past herself. "Rodi, if you raised him... how would Silverthorn feel? I know she doesn't like me... gods, this is such a mess."
The half-elf almost met her lips when Ghet tilted her head up. Funny how old patterns came back so naturally. Flushing a little guiltily Ro was grateful when her head came to rest on his shoulder instead. "Yes, water birth," he said with a soft smile, "Haven't you ever wondered why I'm so attracted to it? I was born in it, you know."
His arm slid around her shoulders and he breathed in the scent of her hair. "You don't smell like Ginseng," he observed, "That's ... odd." When she sat back a little he withdrew and studied her for a moment, "Sorry ... off track there. S'Hean birth is always in the water, and always with just the mother and the father unless something goes wrong. It is the Father's job to take the pain, to help his mate through the birthing process. He also brings the child to the surface, helps it take that first breath of air." He met her gaze and sighed, "I want to be there Ghet, I want to bring our son into the world. But if you say no ... I'll respect it. Your S’Hean instincts may take away that choice for both of us though. I can't say for sure."
Her last question took a bit of thinking. "I don't know. I really don't. We haven't discussed things that far ... she knows me though. Gods ... Arianne has been so damn accepting of this entire situation. I don't deserve her . . . I really don't."
Ghet was confusing herself. Her emotions were all over the place. Just a few minutes ago she'd been screaming at Y'Roden in rage, and now she wanted to hold him and kiss him and... this was just insane. Of course, he was the one smelling her hair, and for a moment her lips twitched in a sad smile. "I changed my shampoo. I also made certain promises to myself. I... took myself off the menu. Literally, actually. Galain's the only one I can really trust. So I've ended up giving him the one thing I told him he was never getting. My faithfulness. I will go back to the shampoo, though. When I feel like being a sexual creature again. That may now take a little longer than I'd been expecting."
This whole S'Hean childbirth thing was giving her a bit of culture shock. Right now, she was working through the "what, no midwife" thing. No midwife, no drugs, no machines... there was one up-side though, that had her ears pricking up. "Let me get this straight. You get the pain? I get to make you suffer? Cool. I don't know. What if something does go wrong? I know you want to be there. And I don't want to do this alone. To be honest, I hate to say this, but it depends on Galain. I mean, I know him really well, but we've never had any dealings like this, with children. And it's not like it was when An'Thaya had Adarin's children. There's no way I'd want to shut him out, and I don't know if the two of you can be in the same room. He may find it all too hard to be around for, but... I think, when it comes right down to it, he'd want to be at my side. I have two sides, of course, but... I just don't know. And you're probably right; it would be a good idea if you were on another planet when I told him. At least until he calms down."
Rather unconsciously, she reached over and took his hand. "So, I need to find out how Galain feels, and you have to find out how Silverthorn feels. I... I wouldn't want to abandon my child. I've seen how much it hurt Marius, that we weren't there when he was growing up. But I'm not a good mother. I'd be a hopeless mother." Still, she was uneasy about the idea of Silverthorn raising her son. Not because of her personal feelings about the woman, but because Ghet found her so cold. That seemed entirely the wrong environment for a Riker. For a Riker, well, Riker's was oddly appropriate, but no-one else was going to see it that way. It was all so complicated. What did she know about children anyway.
But there was something else she needed to ask Y'Roden, and it wasn't going to be easy for either of them. And again, she was going to slip up and use that name she hadn't used for him since they parted ways, that she'd been discomforted to hear from An'Thaya earlier. "Rodi, I... look, I trust you, you know I do, with things you can control. But we both know, there are circumstances under which that control slips. It might be another couple of hundred years before that happens again, but I don't think that matters. I have to be safe. You know Him better than I do, Ro. Would he come for me again?"
The chuckle came unbidden and Ro grinned, "Yes, you get to make me suffer. Though I'll likely take all the fun out of it for you. If you need Galain there, then he'll be there. The welfare of our son is more important than how I feel, or how he feels for that matter. We are both grown men that can take care of ourselves, the baby is helpless. You know ... you have no idea what sort of mother you will be until you try it." He shrugged, then smiled at the use of her pet name for him. "I miss the Ginseng."
He sobered more than a little at her last question and gave Ghet's hands a gentle squeeze. "I can't say for certain . . . but in all honesty ... yes. He will." Emerald eyes deepened a hue, his pain seeping through. "I never wanted to hurt you Ghet ... and I never want that to happen again. Which is why I'm going to tell you something now that no one else knows." The half-elf shifted uncomfortably for a moment, a sigh causing the dark fringe of hair between his eyes to vibrate. "The S'Hean people believe that names hold power, which is why so much care is taken in choosing the name given a child. Y'Roden is more than a name; it is a title, a prophecy. There is a great truth in that belief, for in the Demon realm, names ARE power."
His gaze lifted to meet Ghet's, a little frightened. "The name I am about to give you must never be given to anyone else. Because I am so closely linked to him, it gives anyone with the knowledge power over me as well. In the wrong hands ... well, I'm sure you get the picture. If he ever comes after you again, you have only to speak his name and he will be yours to command. He will fight it, but I know you Ghet, your will is stronger than his." Leaning in Ro brushed her deep red hair away from her ear, his baritone dropping to a mere whisper. "Rauko Serke Morion."
Somewhere in the depths of Y'Roden's soul the Demon howled in outrage.
Ghet laughed, genuine humour. "Ro, honey, if you could take all the fun out of suffering, we wouldn't be here. We're a sick couple of bastards, you know that?" Her eyes danced. "I can lend you the shampoo if you want. You could be self-sufficient. Or I could put it in some kind of spray, air freshener perhaps? No?"
Then she gave a small sigh, and listened quietly. She understood the power of names; it was a concept that appeared in many cultures. She wondered about the strength of her will these days; she'd lost so much of the certainty she'd once had. Hardly surprising. But Ro had faith in her, and that mattered to her a stupid amount.
She was not happy. There were still things her mind shied away from that she knew she'd have to think about soon. But she was oddly surprised at how calm she was. Her whole life was lying in a heap, she'd never wanted children, Y'Roden's child was a disaster, and yet... something. Curiosity? She would lose things, yes, the rather idyllic life she'd made alone with Galain, but she was beginning to think there was something to be gained, too.
And now, the shadow of this fear had been lifted too. "Thank you, Y'Roden. That makes me feel much better. And I know what it's cost you. I'll keep it to myself, believe me." Listening to her own words, a new idea hit her. Gods, she knew the wait would be killing Galain; he was the only one here who didn't know, and that wasn't fair. "What the hell are we going to tell people? It's going to be blindingly obvious this kid isn't Galain's, I'll bet." She looked up at him with an expression that was far too soft. "Not with those eyes. And okay, I have been living in a cupboard since... but I wasn't planning to keep that up. People are going to notice when I blow up like a blimp."
The half-elf was beginning to feel like things were really going to be all right. The friendship they had fought so hard to keep was rising from the ashes like the phoenix. Ro could be nothing more than exceedingly grateful. With the giving of three little words, Ghet was safe now . . . or at least as safe as he could possibly make her. Her beautiful denim blues were calm again, and she had stopped flinching in his presence.
Now ... if he could stop flinching in his OWN presence, things would be almost perfect.
Then her last question brought him crashing down again. People would know, there was about a ninety percent chance their son would have the D'Riel eyes. "Oh Gods," his baritone was shaky, "I hadn't thought that far ahead." Y'Roden brought his free hand up, pinching the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger in a habitual gesture . . . the one that indicated stress. "Oh Ghet . . . I don't want him to know, do you have any idea how deeply that would scar him? I can't do that to my own son. He can't ever know how he was conceived."
An involuntary shudder shook him, "We could lie . . . you have enough D'Riel blood in you that the eyes might have been a fluke?" He sighed, "No, I can't give up my son and call him Galain's. Damn . . . let them think what they want." The Prince squared his shoulders and met her gaze, "Let them think I cheated on my wife. It's not like they wouldn't believe me capable of it. Look at my history. Arianne knows the truth, that is all that matters. This child was conceived in love, no matter what else happened. I love you, I love our son."
Ghet had two entirely contradictory feelings almost simultaneously. The first, and strongest, was a deep compassion for Y'Roden and the sacrifice he was prepared to make for the sake of their son. It was coloured with just a twinge of annoyance that no-one was going to realise that there was a sacrifice involved for her and Galain as well. But she and her husband could deal with that together. "Honey, honestly, I don't think anyone does expect that from you any more. I don't know if you realise just how different you are with her. Maybe I see it more than other people. But yes, it is believable. Because it's me. We both know... look, it's no effort for me to be faithful to my husband. No-one else stirs my interest these days." She shrugged. "Except you. You're my weakness. It's not necessary to believe that you're a heartless philanderer to believe that, in the right situation, you and I could slip."
His last words had brought tears to her eyes, and trying to reply let them break through. It was more than she could bring herself to accept, though she knew in her heart it was true. This time, she did raise her face and kiss him, gently, briefly. "Thank you for telling me that. It makes a huge difference. I love you, too, and it does make things easier."
There were tears on her cheeks again, and Ro was wiping them away when Ghet kissed him. He returned it, a tender brief brush of the lips that erased the cruel bruising pressure the Demon had used. A sigh shook his chest when they parted, and emerald eyes met denim blue. They closed briefly when she spoke last, his head lowering slightly. "I can't hide from you Ghet, you always see right through me. I don't think that will ever change. There will always be this . . . untameable . . . thing between us. It is just up to us to make sure we never give in to it again. We both have to much to lose."
Ro shrugged helplessly, "There has to be truth between you and I now. We share much more than we ever expected."
His fingers gently brushed over her abdomen before pulling back again, a wistful smile on his face. "If this had happened . . . " The half-elf shook his head, "The past is where it belongs. This is what we have now. We will get through this. All you need to do is access the Web when you need me." He paused, just gazing at her for a moment, "I am sorry Ghet . . . I know this is going to hurt Galain. There is no love lost between him and I, but this isn't the kind of pain I would wish on anyone. Were the situations reversed . . . I don't think I could take it."
Ghet nodded and pulled away a little, summoning up her strength for the ordeal ahead of her. It was going to be more difficult between them now. Previously, she'd just pretended he didn't care, used that as a barrier between them. That wasn't possible any more. To be more open to him, and still keep that last distance... it wouldn't be easy.
"You're quite something, you know that? I don't think many men in your position would be thinking about Galain's feelings." She looked at the way they'd been sitting and grinned. "His location, maybe, but not his feelings. I have to go to him now. I'll go in there and send the women in here, and then the two of you won't have to see each other. It's too much to ask for him to not smack your face in right now. I've got to hope it will be different one day. And I shall set a good example and not be snarky to your wife. Today."
She stood, and took a deep breath, then she held out her arms to him. "I'll see you again before all this is over. And we'll talk, a lot. Things may work out better than we expect." She smiled. "They have so far, haven't they?"
"Ok, that would probably be best," Ro agreed, standing with her. "Thank you." He went into Ghet's arms willingly enough, hugging her gently, then a little more fiercely. "Everything will be ok ... not right away, but somewhere down the road." He drew back a little, looking down into her denim blues, "There will be a little boy that is a little bit of you, and a little bit of me. We were never meant to be, but part of what we once were, will live on forever." He smiled gently, "That is the beauty of children."
He loosened his hold on her, then frowned, "One more thing . . . I uh . . . I left my weapons here. I wouldn't ask, but most of them were gifts, and the sword . . . it is all I have left of Tager."
Ghet hugged Y’Roden; reluctant to let go of the last moment of peace she was going to get for a while. She'd just have to believe him about children: he should know, he'd knocked up a few different women in his time.
But his last words... she knew he was trying to be delicate; she knew it was important to him, but she couldn't help her reaction. She remembered. The sound of those weapons hitting the floor, the demon's harsh breathing as he battled the pain of his wounds. Now she could smell hot blood... she fought the flashback as hard as she could, but she was shaking uncontrollably. She didn't know whether to fight against his arms or cling to him. This body had hurt her, but not this soul. She tried not to let him see the fear in her eyes.
"They're... um, they're downstairs, I think. In the security office. I haven't seen them since, but they asked what to with them. I think that's what I said. Oh gods, but they'll never give them back to you. I'm sorry, my security chief also wants to kill you. Look, I'll get them and send them on, okay?" She rubbed the tears from her face fiercely, angry with herself.
Ro hated himself at that moment. He should have gone to An'Thaya about it, he realized belatedly. "I'm sorry Ghettie," he whispered, his hands gently stroking her deep red hair, "I'm sorry, don't worry about it." His own tears joined hers ... angry with himself, with the demon, with the damned Manticore that had started this entire mess.
Ghet held herself rigid for a moment, then slowly relaxed into the stroking of his hand. The Demon would never have touched her like this; gentle, compassionate. "It's alright. Well, no, it's not all right, but it's not your fault. I mean, part of the worst of it was, it happened here, in my home. I can't leave here, I don't want too. So I just have to learn to deal with it, a little at a time. Things keep reminding me. I can't even go past the door of the medbay, you know? It's like the wardrobe door in a child's nightmare. I know there's nothing in there to be afraid of, but still. I'm not coping; I'm just faking it. I have to be strong now, though, don't I?"
She drew a breath. She'd had about as much as her nerves could take. But they would rebuild, they would. She kissed his cheek and stepped away from him. "Goodbye, Ro."
Things would eventually reach an even keel, on the outside. On the inside ... Ro would never, ever forgive himself for what he had done to Ghet. They could all, every one of them, tell him that none of it was his fault but it would never touch the depths of his soul. The place that was secret, where he harboured the darkness and the guilt ... the sea of screaming faces he had damned to hell. Never in his wildest nightmares had he ever imagined that the woman he called Lisse Nwalme would become one of them.
Love . . . such a torturous emotion. Part of him was forever entwined with part of her ... there would never be peace or freedom from that. Only the moments in between when he could wall it off and forget. Y'Roden D'Riel had lost Ghetsuhm Riker a very long time ago . . . and it was the best thing for both of them. Now ... now there would be a living reminder . . . a son, a living tribute to what they were never meant to have.
Standing there, looking at her ... Rodi carefully boxed up the feeling and shut it away. It had no place in the path he was following. It was enough that she knew. "Goodbye Ghet." The shields came up; the tears wiped away, the emotions carefully hidden behind sparkling emerald eyes. This was the face he wore in public, the jovial happy Ro that everyone loved. He smiled, then turned away, settling in to who he usually was these days.
He needed a drink ... he needed to get out of here ... but most of all, he needed his wife.
Ghet watched his face close up, and gave a slight smile, understanding. It wasn't really a secret, how they felt, as something that should be kept to themselves. It would do no-one any good to know. Silverthorn and Galain both knew how their partners felt about them, and that was what mattered. Ghet and Ro would never come first with each other, and they knew that.
She turned, before her facade cracked again, and left the room. She spent a few moments out in the corridor with her forehead against the wall, trying to regain her composure. She had no idea how she was even going to start telling Galain. She supposed she'd find out soon.
When she realised it wasn't going to get any better no matter how long she waited, she went through the door. She was pleased to see An'Thaya next to Galain, and tried to raise a smile for her, but it didn't quite work. She felt pale and shaky, and it took a moment before she could look Galain in the face. Her eyes pricked with tears, the anticipation of the pain she was about to cause him.
When she spoke it was to An'Thaya, somehow safer. "Ro's ready to go now. He's pretty okay. Well, it could have been worse. Thank you, love, you've been a huge help."
Without speaking Silverthorn got to her feet and moved almost soundlessly towards the door. It wasn't that she couldn't feel any compassion for the redhead but Ghetsuhm was far from being near the top of her priorities at the moment and, no matter what she had said about Ro's condition, the dark-haired elf had to see how he was for herself. There was no inkling as she walked past the other woman of any of the emotions she felt inside. That brief glimpse of a few moments before was gone as if it had never even happened.
Quietly she walked back inside the other room. Pausing in the doorway, her gaze went instinctively to her husband. Deep in the depth of her jade green eyes lurked a concerned enquiry.
Y'Roden drew a shuddering breath as the door slid shut behind Ghet. One more person was going to have their life torn apart today. Even if is was Galain; Ro was still highly distressed by it. There had been a time when the two of them had got on, when the half-elf had actually gone out of his way to save the other's life. What would he do if put in the same situation now? The answer was surprisingly simple. The same thing, but only for Ghet and 'Thaya's sake.
Silverthorn's presence tickled up his spine, Ro knew she was there before the door slid open, before he turned to look at her with a slightly stricken expression on his face. He felt like he had just walked through hell and back again, and there was no use hiding it from his wife. The half-elf's shoulders sagged and he held a hand out to her, beckoning Arianne to him, "Let's get the hell out of here ... please Melda."
The stricken expression on his face sliced through the dark-haired elf, striking her straight in the heart. Without even thinking about she moved over to him sliding an arm around his waist, the fingers of her free hand brushing gently across his cheek. "Of course, love. If that's what you want" she said softly.
She could think of no reason why they had to stay if he didn't want to. Ghet and Galain had a hard conversation ahead of them as it was and perhaps with something as traumatic as this it was better to take things one step at a time. The first approach had been made. That should be enough for now surely?
"It is," Ro rumbled, drawing Silverthorn to him in a possessive embrace for a moment and kissing the top of her head. "I want to go back to Nenlante." There was no way he wanted to be anywhere in Galain's vicinity when Ghet told him any of this. He didn't really feel like taking a beating at the moment, and there was no way he could justify fighting back. Even Y'Roden got tired of pain once in awhile.
Aethyr sang out from his fingertips, opening the gateway to S'Hea. Behind the wards it was quite, less D'Riel's chattering on the web . . . he could clear his head. "Aminmela lle," he told his wife, "Hantale ... "
"No thanks are necessary" Silverthorn said quietly. She gave him a wry smile. "Haven't you realised yet that I couldn't do anything else, behave in any other way, than the way I am doing? I love you remember." The dark-haired elf hugged him and then turned slightly. Quietly the couple stepped through the emerald green portal and it closed silently behind them.
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