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There were still several hours ahead until the heat of Zenith would drive An’Thaya back inside the cottage. She had been out in the garden most of the day, planting orchids on her own and just … thinking. The children were visiting in S’Hea and her various bondmates were off doing their own thing. Not very unusual these days. So much had happened in the past few centuries, that the Amazon felt like her head would never stop spinning. Her heart still ached over the loss of her Father … of B’Rodyn and others. She had lost so much time … her first eight hundred years spent not knowing them at all, and the events of her life had taken her far from Whispin’s familiar lands. Always, she returned here, it was home … it was safe. For the most part at least.
Sitting back on the grass she gazed out across the clearing, so empty now. Shadows played in the back of her eyes as memories came to life, shades of people that had come and gone from this place. Sweet, gentle Elyen … for a brief moment she saw him leaning against a tree, striped hair falling into his face as he pushed up the sleeves on his deep blue shirt that matched his eyes … eyes that still laughed and sparkled with life. He looked up, pushing the strands of blonde and brown hair away before catching her gaze and smiling. "I love you,” he said, “I’m just off to hunt a bit, I’ll be right back.”
“But…” the sound of her own voice startled the Amazon, and the vision faded. Shaking her head Tay wiped a hand across her brow, leaving a streak of dirt.
“He won’t be, you know.” Nearly jumping out of her skin the Amazon looked up to find herself staring into the emerald green eyes of Railen Rossevirin. “He is dead, and you are mostly at fault for that.” A pale white scar slithered across the Elf’s eye, turning the iris and pupil dead white, “You and Galain both. Everyone that loves you just ends up hurt, or dead.”
“Go away,” An’Thaya growled, “I could say the same for you.” She struck out at the phantasm, turning the figure of the man she once called friend to mist.
“MINE.”
The word was still vibrantly clear … Galain’s voice. So angry … so possessive. Gods, he had loved her then. What the hell had happened?
“I got bored, obviously.” An image of the Elen leaned casually against the cottage wall; “I fell in love with someone else. I still love you though.”
“Yes,” Tay answered, “You do, I think. But two people have to be in the same room together more than once a decade to make a marriage work. What happened to us? There was a time when we were not happy unless we were together.” She sighed and stood up, dusting her hands off on the soft white shift she wore and padding across the grass, waving the image away. “Maybe someday things will be as they were … but I doubt it. You can never go back.”
“But you can go forward.” She turned slightly, regarding the noble figure of the Elen King.
“Yes, forward, but forward to what? When you find out what I’ve done, you will leave, I know you will. I’ve done it to myself this time. I can’t hang on to secrets forever. Everyone I love leaves eventually … even if they are still here. Galain, Mystical … and Jaiden won’t be with me much longer. Her time grows short. I should never have opened my heart to this thing called love. It has brought happiness in small doses, but it always ends in pain.”
“But you like the pain.” The voice was Callan’s this time and she eyed the shade warily.
“Who asked you?” she snapped, “Go away. You’ve caused me enough trouble already.”
Alone again, as she had been all along, the Amazon stripped off the shift and dove into the river, washing away the soil from the garden, and the emotions that clung to her in much the same fashion.
~*~
Restless sleep, the sheets twined around her sweat damp skin, Thaya drifted through the heat of Zenith. A slight breeze disturbed the gauzy curtains surrounding her bed and the Amazon stirred slightly, murmuring within a dream.
Tired … so tired, and oddly, alone. Hadn’t someone been here a moment before? Elyen … yes, she was sure it had been him. Where had he gone? Ah yes, to get a drink.
“Melda…” the word was soft, echoing strangely in the air. Rolling over she gazed up at Galain with half-open emerald eyes.
“Sy’Rish?”
There was something wrong here … something off in the depths of his sea-green eyes, the way they watched her, predatory, from beneath his golden locks.
"It’s really me, ’Thaya," he said quietly, tracing one hand along the side of her neck, caressing her cheek. "You’ve been hurt my love."
Yes … she was weak. Loss of blood, that was the reason. The motorcycle, the female Vampyre, it all slowly filtered back into her mind.
"Galain? Where have you been Adero?" She reached out to touch him, her fingers tracing the tattoo on his arm, making it glow softly in the weak light of the room and quite missing his grimace of pain. "I missed you."
"I’ve missed you too... I’ve been -lost. Lost and needing you badly, melda”
Lost indeed … the sharp fangs that pierced her throat during their lovemaking had been more pleasurable than not. Even through her fear … she had loved him, sure that he would not kill her. Then, the taste of his blood as well. The fatal binding of her will that she could not resist. It had been unnecessary, now that she thought back on it.
An’Thaya would have followed her Galain anywhere, even into death. And so she had … right on out to the other side. Where, as a reward, they had been forbidden one another.
“What are you thinking?” The Amazon’s voice echoed back to her in the darkness of the underground catacombs. The soft light of handfire softened the planes of her face as she gazed up at Galain. Forbidden … and so close … way to close.
“I was thinking that it isn’t right that the one you love has been stolen away. That you deserve peace and love and a future that is secure. And I was wishing…” He faltered and bent forward, kissing her hands. “I was wishing very selfishly that it was just you and me again.” This last was a whisper and he turned away, thankful the handfire’s glow extended only so far.
Had he really spoken those words? Or had they only been the dream they were now? There was more … so much more, that fell away in the chasm of unreality. ‘Thaya only heard the words that had mattered most to her at the time…
“I love you, ’Thaya. All I’ve wanted was to be with you again if it could be allowed.”
Tears … relief, “I love you too…”
Her heart had kept beating, her breathing quickened by desire and the near painful reopening of their bond. The dagger and rose had sprung to life on his bicep again … a shining testimony to a love that could not be, would not be, forgotten, nor buried.
“MINE”
Perhaps not romantic; but no less knee weakening. It had been that moment, in the shelter with Railen, when An’Thaya had realized that Galain would not let her go again. There had been guilt over Elyen, but over all, a heart fluttering joy to be reunited with the man that truly owned her heart.
"Do you know how often I feel the afterglow of your bliss, so soon after my own disappearance? Can you feel my loss? My disgrace?"
The eyes that glared down at her were blue, but so far from the Elyen she knew… He stood above her, lightsaber in hand, grief, rage, and madness … all these things and more
"I don't think you do. I don't think you feel anything at all. Funny. All through our relationship, you were the one with the hocus-pocus magic. I was useless. I was a convenient replacement for the one whom 'Destiny' decreed was your soulmate.”
No … she had never thought of him as a replacement. Had she?
The Amazon hadn’t really felt it when the saber burned through her skin. There was blood … so much blood, and Elyen’s face hovering above her.
"Just to let you know before you go. Galain's tears killed you."
Galain’s tears …Galain’s tears …
Then he had kissed her, a fatal mistake. The conduit drained his life force, nearly killing the stripe haired elf before An’Thaya could stop it. For a moment, the old Elyen looked up at her, but the words … those words would haunt her forever.
"Do you know how much I hate you?"
With a gasp Tay woke, sitting bold upright and tugging at the gold choker around her neck. It came away with a snap; the sea green emerald glittering up at her before it dropped to the bed. Galain’s tear…
The words she had spoken in response whispered past her lips again…
“Yes … yes I do. I know what it’s like to give everything and receive nothing in return but pain."
~*~
The Memory Room … so much stored away here, little things that reminded her of moments in her life that she treasured. An’Thaya stared at it all with blank emerald eyes. Her soul was empty for the first time since she her eight hundredth year … so silent, so still. She felt … nothing. The quiet was deafening, the loneliness almost unbearable.
Numb fingers dropped the choker onto her desk, the sea green emerald sparkling up at her, taunting, knocking the lid off of a small box. The self-same one Elyen had stolen it from. There, still lay locks of his hair entangled with Anelain’s baby dragon scales.
Sliding into a chair Tay halfheartedly replaced the lid. Why did she still keep that? Why did she keep any of it?
Her fingers moved, as if of their own volition, tapping on a small square memory cube. The image wavered, then sprang to life, revealing an image of Derwin D’Riel. He was laughing, grinning in that infectious way of his.
“What is that thing? One of your husbands little gadgets again? Where is Galain anyway? We don’t see enough of him these days.”
Tay’s lip trembled and she reached out to touch the hologram, a tear sliding down her cheek. “You aren’t the only one. Oh … Daddy. Why can’t you be here? I need you so much … I miss you.”
“Put that thing down and come give your old man a hug.” The image went wild for a moment, echoing with his laughter, as well as her own. “I love you An’Thaya, don’t ever forget that.”
“I love you too Daddy…” She could barely breathe for a moment … Even after the years between, Tay still couldn’t accept that he was dead and gone. Derwin had been a strong man, an honorable King, a loving husband and Father. There had been so many glorious years ahead of him … for him … and her Amil.
A moment of rage stirred her soul, the first real emotion that had touched on her since Galain had brought her here. Tallin … still lived. Her parents, her Cousin and his family were dead, and that bastard still drew breath.
The feeling passed, as everything did right now. The cold, numb sensation returning, the brief light in her emerald eyes going dead.
Methodically, she stripped off every piece of jewelry she wore that could be taken off. She was left with the Knight of the Crystal Rose Pendant, and Jaiden’s piercing. Tucking her wedding band into the box on top of the table she pushed back away from it and sat there for several long minutes before rising and making her way back to bed. Falling onto the mattress she wound her fingers into the sheets and stared out the open window … waiting for Zenith to pass.
~*~
Zenith passed, drawing her back into sleep, into restless dreams. Topaz blue eyes haunted her, the voice of the dragon humming through her blood, scales scraping over her skin. Breath quickening she arched away from the mattress, her body remembering what her soul rejected. The Amazon’s conduit went wild, setting her hair to dancing in billowing waves, and rippling the shift along her flesh.
For a moment, Adarin flashed through her consciousness, gentle, but calming the feral tide of her soul. A fleeting heartbeat and the eyes turned from blue to sea green. Galain, it had always been Galain. He owned her; body, heart and soul. The Elen had never relinquished his hold on her, and without him … it was as if she couldn’t breathe. He had been the first to tame her wild spirit, the first to bring her to ecstasy, the first to cause her unbelievable pain.
Tay loved him… she hated him … she was going mad, had been mad for awhile, and she knew it.
The face suddenly shifted, revealing the smug features of Avathar. Screaming she thrashed against him, only be brutally pinned beneath him and nearly torn apart. His countenance melted into that of Iavan, and from there, to Gareth. Three Alcarins, each one darker and more cruel than the next.
Blood … so much blood and agony … Suddenly it was Tallin that pinned her down. Grendorin, her Uncle, her flesh and blood. An’Thaya’s soul screamed in protest, died in shame. And then the last … the darkest of them all, Rauldac.
A scream ripped from her and the Amazon sat bolt upright, blood tingeing the cold sweat that sprang up on her skin. Shame burned her cheeks and she curled in on herself. Why would any man want her after so many had taken her pride, her strength … her self worth?
Suddenly furious she launched from the bed, surprised to find it was dark, the two moons of Whispin hanging heavy in the sky. Ripping the shift from her body Tay fled out into garden, the scent of orchids caressing her senses. She headed to the section that contained the herbs, kneeling down in the damp earth to pluck the leaves from a few of the plants.
In the moonlight, Tay built a fire, mixing the herbs with water and a few other things she had gathered and setting it to boil. The dagger was made of iron, and burned as well as cut as it sliced repeatedly through her flawless tanned skin. Blood flowed like wine, releasing the pain, the shame, but not the madness. Tears mixed with crimson rivulets as she bled the images from her mind and soul. The drink she brewed was bitter, and brought a heady feeling that drove away everything but a numb sensation that left her spinning around and within the flames, singing in her high clear soprano … watching the stars fall.
~*~
Pain, rage, a tangled mass of confusion … the Web burst into An’Thaya’s consciousness like a wrecking ball in her soul, sending the torn emerald galaxy spinning around its axis at a nauseating speed. A shriek of agony brought the Amazon to her knees, the flames of the fire licking at her hair and flesh, but not touching her. Blood still ran in rivulets from open wounds carved across her body, and emerald eyes revealed nothing but madness. Somewhere, in the depths of her mind, she knew what Callan and Galain were doing … felt the imminent danger. Tay knew them both well, knew they would not stop until one or both lay dead. The knowledge drove the Amazon deeper into her insanity, helpless to stop them … or herself.
Screams blended into the roar of Agaru-loki, the clatter of scales rushing over An’Thaya’s skin like an oncoming tidalwave as the Dragon fought her way free. Red wings burst from her back and the Crimson bugled her distress, the pain of her mate burning her soul and bringing on a maddening rage. The small cottage shook with the reverberations and the trees bent beneath the wind stirred up by the beating of mighty wings. Within moments the female was airborne, a portal yawning open as she called on her skinwalkers magic. Beyond, glimmering in the moonlight stood the Diirlathe.
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