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It felt as if she had been immersed for hours, embraced by the healing waters of S’Hea somewhere in the wilds. Chezlar had brought her here to this secluded pool, giving Tay time and privacy to pull herself together.
Blood, sweat and soot had long ago washed away, Chezlar’s capable hands had mended broken bones but she had not let him heal her further. They were An’Thaya’s wounds to bear, cuts, abrasions and livid bruises that covered most of her skin. They would heal with time and the scars would remain, reminders of her mortality.
The wounds went deeper than flesh and bone, digging down to her very soul. It was festering, splitting at the core in the slowest, most painful manner. Worse, her heart was slowly, irreparably, breaking. All her own doing, there was no other way to see it. This path she had chosen, this path, which had defied the Gods and left so many dead in its path.
Galain… her chosen path, but one that had not chosen her in return. The road was forked, and no matter how hard he tried, the Elen Prince could not travel in both directions at once. These days, it seemed An’Thaya was Galain’s road less traveled.
No matter what the redhead had done to make her own walkway through life less painful, it only created more misery. Now, she was trapped, for making a choice, any choice, would bring too many down with her. So many that loved her, but none that could give her what she truly needed.
The water broke above her head and Tay inhaled sharply, drawing in the sweet Aethyr laced oxygen of her homeland. Small fingers reached up to grasp the massive hand that reached down to assist her, drawing her up and wrapping her gently in a robe.
Gazing up into liquid gold pools An’Thaya studied the depths that never divulged their secrets.
“You said once… after I touched the Aeglos, that it wasn’t meant to happen,” she said softly, “that I was not meant to remember. You were speaking the truth, were you not?”
Chez was silent for a moment, gazing down at his charge… his friend. What he was capable of telling her was always so limited… the Changeling was forced to watch her fall apart in absolute silence… or perhaps not… not this time.
“Yes, An’Thaya. I would not lie to you. Not like that.”
Emerald eyes brimmed with tears, but they did not fall. Holding herself up straight she looked the behemoth in the eye.
“And… if I asked you to make me forget? To take it all away?”
“I cannot undo what has been done,” was the quiet answer, “the Fate’s forbid it.”
“So… I am damned to die… torn in pieces… and never knowing what it is Ghet’s good fortune to know,” the Amazon’s tone was bitter, laced with poison. “I am damned to live knowing I’ll never know anything more than this. Sentence to love what I cannot have… not entirely.”
“I would take your pain if I could… I would change it all, if I could. If I knew it would make you happy in the end.”
“Go to hell! You only do what the Fate’s order you to! You hopeless puppet! They couldn’t give a DAMN about my happiness, not if it doesn’t fall in with their plans! I was better off in hell! At least there I didn’t have to pretend!”
He was use to being yelled at, being blamed, hated, and despised. It was all part of the job… but it still hurt, and the Changeling recoiled slightly, saying nothing, which only made it worse for Tay.
“I’m sorry!” she was still yelling, she couldn’t seem to stop herself. Close to hysterics the tears came in a catharsis of pain and regret, of shattered dreams and love that wasn’t quite what it should be. Finding herself cradled against the Prince of Inligh’s chest she curled delicate fingers into his shirt and wept. “I’m so tired of being something I’m not. This accepting ‘take my husband… please’ is not who I am. But it’s too late… I can’t change it, not any of it, not now. I hate it, every minute of it, and all of it, everything, just makes it worse.”
“I know… I’m sorry An’Thaya. You deserve better.”
“No… no I don’t. Not after what I did to Elyen… to Railen. I’m only getting what I deserve.” She smiled against the soft material and laughed, a harsh sound that held little amusement, “soon enough, I can apologize to Elyen in person.”
“Elyen and Railen both knew the risks they were taking, they both knew how much you love Galain. The question you should be asking yourself, An’Thaya, is what you are going to do with the time left to you. In the years to come… will you live for everyone else? Or live for yourself?” His gaze sought out hers, and found the answer in the depths of emerald green jewels. The Changeling sighed and shook his head, “An’Thaya, my dearest friend… you are a fool.”
“A fool? No. Selfish, yes. I should just let Galain go entirely, but I can’t. I love him to damn much. Gods… why has Arminiea cursed me so? Why give me a soul that is so untouchable? Why damn me to a solitary existence?”
“You have been blessed with great power An’Thaya, that path must be taken alone. At least… until you understand what it is you have been given.” Chez smiled and brushed at the Amazon’s short red hair, “Do not give up on love… for it has not given up on you. Sometimes… you have to close your eyes, in order to see. Look deep into the dark, for only then will you truly view your heart and soul.”
A soft laugh tinkled up from the area of his chest and Tay lifted her head, “I am so tired of your riddles Chezlar Khor. Don’t you see? I’m tired of fighting… just let me live the rest of my life in peace. As long as they are happy, what does it matter?”
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