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Alabaster and rose greeted An’Thaya’s eyes when she stepped out of the portal, but she didn’t really see it. It was still daylight in S’Hea, though the GlowOrbs were already starting to light. The Amazon had no idea that Adarin had arrived twelve hours earlier, her thoughts rather scattered as she pulled off the stained shift and slipped into the bathing pool. Washing away blood, and sweat, though the welcome scent of Callan lingered on her skin.
After awhile she clambered back out and toweled off, emerging in her bedchamber she opened the closet, dressing in her usual black leather pants, cut off black shirt and breast plate. Tying up her boots she opened the pocket portal that contained her daggers, grimacing in pain as the use of Aethyr tugged at her soul. “Gods Damn it,” she muttered, “That hurts!”
Clean and dressed the Amazon made her way out into the hall, nearly bowling into Lord Al’Teron. “Oh! I’m sorry MiLord, could you tell me where I might find my brother?”
“MiLady Alcarin! His Majesty is down in the rose gardens with Rhagi at the moment. May I escort you?”
“No thank you Milord, I’ll be fine on my own.” She graced him with an affectionate smile, then moved silently on down the hall.
Adarin had fallen asleep. Eventually common sense had prevailed upon him via the quiet care of Silverthorn and the agitated worry of Y'Roden. He knew he couldn't return to Alcarinque and expect to operate with a straight mind. And he couldn't just head to Ghetsuhm's cottage and yet again intrude. It was a funny thing, he thought to himself before sleep claimed him. He was very much an intruder in many ways -- an interloper. At least, that was the sensation he felt as he slipped off into an unexpected sleep.
But his dreams were punctuated by visions of Tay and dragons. Big dragons that reeked of sulfur and menace. They reeked of more though and that truly bothered him. Their scent was intoxicating and welcome and he fought against it, tears springing to his eyes and amidst them was the Amazon, tiny but proud. She had her arms upraised, her red mane of hair a wild blaze of fire as she sought the Blacks' attention and gained it. Adarin cried out to her, but he was drowned out by the cries of the dragons, buried in a cocoon of silence that blotted his very essence out. Blotted so completely he awoke with a start, his bed sheets askew, his body bathed in a cold sweat.
"Oh gods," he whispered. He sensed that things had shifted in the palace a little. Was she here?
An’Thaya had found her way into the rose garden, and to her brother. Ro was seated with Rhagi; the young boy showing his Atto the sample kit he had brought along. The Amazon smiled gently and moved to join them, meeting the King of S’Hea’s surprised gaze.
“So, you made it back then. You might have told me you were leaving,” he said in a teasing tone.
An’Thaya blushed slightly and looked away, “Yes, well … I had someone to see. When I woke up Galain was gone … so,” she shrugged. “I left. How much do you know?”
“Enough … more than enough. But, it isn’t for me to judge. I’m your brother An’Thaya, I love you. Just do what is right for you, all right. Oh … and, Adarin is here.”
Shock struck An’Thaya like a slap and she turned wide green eyes on her brother, “HERE? What is he doing here?”
“What do you think? You haven’t gone to him, no explanation, nothing. He is hurt, wondering … waiting.”
The Amazon winced and nodded, “Ok … alright, you’ve made your point. I just … I haven’t been in a very,” she glanced at Rhagi and shut up. “I’ll go see him. Hantale Ro.” Leaning in she kissed him on the cheek, then did the same for Rhagi.
~~~~~
Biting her lip, Tay stared at the ornate door in front of her and nearly turned away. She didn’t feel … strong enough for this yet. What would happen if she fell apart? Gods … Yet she couldn’t keep Adarin waiting. The Amazon loved him too much to hurt him …to keep hurting him. In the end… she knocked softly… holding her breath.
Utter shock froze An’Thaya’s boots to the floor, her jaw almost dropping at the sight of her … what was he now? It was surreal, to see him now … and not … feel him. He looked so pale, and his hair had gone white in places. Had she done this to him? Stupid question … It was a tough decision not to unsheathe one of her own daggers and just off herself right there.
“Yes,” she managed in a slightly tremulous voice; “I’m alright. You … you don’t look alright Adarin.” The Amazon stepped hesitantly into the room, her fingers nervously clenching and unclenching. “I didn’t expect to find you here.”
An’Thaya opened her mouth, but no sound came out. A twinge of pain lanced threw her when he backed away, and emerald eyes couldn’t quite meet his clear blue. “I’ll be alright, eventually,” she managed softly, “I’m sorry Adarin. I’ve been so very unfair to you.”
Brushing away an errant tear she lifted gaze to his, “You have always deserved so much more than I have given you … what anyone has given you. Gods, you deserve someone that loves you exclusively, that will stand by your side … someone that will actually set foot in Alcarinque.” She swallowed hard and reached out to support herself with the edge of a dresser. “I’ve been horrible to you, and you have been nothing but sweet and loving in return.”
A strangled sound caught in An’Thaya’s throat and her knees nearly went out from under her. She couldn’t take his pain, his shock … whatever else she sensed in his tone. Her soul screamed in agony, the broken tendrils that had once bound her to this most noble of Elves burning her spirit with guilt and recrimination. “I can’t tell you what happened,” she gasped out, “I can’t make sense of it myself. Everything broke away … it just … happened. I couldn’t stop it, Galain tried … he couldn’t do anything either. I just … watched it all slip away.”
Tay’s grip on sanity slipped slightly, threatening to plunge her back into the abyss from which she had recently climbed. Deep in the core of her soul Callan’s sleeping presence tugged at her, the only thing keeping her grounded, anchoring her to him. Yet it fed her guilt and tears spilled over, searing her skin. “I love you Adarin, but I can’t do this to you anymore. I can’t keep splitting myself into pieces and thinking that is going to make everyone happy. I’m not Galain!”
"No you're not," Adarin replied. His tone was deathly quiet, nearly a whisper in comparison to his Lady's cries. He loved her intensely. He'd wanted to marry her. He ached for her. She would and could have been his Queen. He would have fought Galain for her if it had come to that. But it hadn't.
It had come to something else and it was something he couldn't begin to fight.
"Don't explain," he said sharply. "You've found your Answer. Someone I can't begin to compare to. Neither can he." He referred obliquely to Galain, but knew she understood.
"It's okay. You gave me peace and love when I least expected it." Why was his voice so harsh while his words were so gentle? He was staring steadfastly at the floor.
"Breaking away... I have had that before. I can deal, Tay. An'Thaya. 'Thaya?" He looked up finally. A stupidly errant tear slipped down his face and he dashed it away. Tears were cheap.
"Might I see the children after their time at the Crystal Keep?" He asked. His jaw ached, his heart ached. Everything ached. "Raise them a bit in Alcarinque. Show them how magical it is when it's... normal/" His voice broke. His eyes shut and he looked away. He SHOULD have known better.
The glass on the dresser was rattling and it took An’Thaya a moment to realize why. Tearing her hand away she nearly fell over. He knew … how the hell did he know?
It didn’t matter…
She had hurt him so damn badly she wanted to die. “Of course you can,” her voice didn’t sound right, “They are yours … you can take them whenever you wish. They are here now, up in the nursery … take them if you want. They’ll be ecstatic to see you.” Tay’s heart felt like it was about to pound right out of her chest and breathing had become near impossible. “I’m sorry … I’m sorry … oh Gods…”
His tone, the look on his face … it cut into her soul, ripping and tearing where once he belonged. “It isn’t you Adarin,” she said, her tone anguished, “You are such a good and noble man, if there had never been a Galain … but there was. I have loved him most of my life … I love you … I do! I don’t understand the Elen and their ability to do this! I’m a D’Riel! I’m S’Hean! We mate for life, monogamous. I can’t pinpoint where in my life that was twisted around. I wish to Gods it was you Adarin, I wish I could give you what you want and deserve, but the Fates have chosen a path I can’t even begin to fathom. I can’t bear that I’m hurting you … I can’t bear to hurt Galain either. Its driven me insane … I should have died … gods … they wouldn’t let me!”
The Amazon backed up, her hair a wild mane around her face, emerald eyes glittering, near madness. It was too soon after her breakdown to be dealing with this. “I’m sorry…” Feeling the coward, she bolted, the door swinging wildly behind her as she tore off down the hall. Ignoring the searing pain in her soul she forced open a portal, fleeing S’Hea for the first time in her life.
He knew because every atom of her body screamed at him. Every bit of what he knew of Tay told him. He'd loved. He'd. lost. He hadn't even known there was a battle. He just stared in shock when she fled from him. The door slammed and before he could begin to race after her she was gone, leaving Adarin in the hall, staring and shocked, more done in than before.
"I am done," he whispered quietly. He crumpled to his knees. Tay's fleeing told him volumes and he was done. Sure, come back at him later and say he should have chased after her, but he'd felt the joy at the core of her answers and he was finished. He was lucky to have what he'd had and he would enjoy his children. Later.
"Hurt me," he said to the air. "But live. We're not worth it when you feel so alive without us." Adarin collapsed forward and went dark.
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