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On the premise of lighting one of the watch fires, An’Thaya made her way up onto the walls that surrounded the outpost, putting distance between herself and the others. A weaving of magic had the fire blazing in short order, but she gave no sign of returning. Instead, the Amazon stared into the depths of the flames, her hair a living reflection that danced on the breeze blowing through the forever night of Tenobrous.
“Son of a bitch…” she murmured, “How long did you wait Galain? Did you even bother to look for my body?” Tay knew the answers even without the memories that slowly leaked through into her present. Three faces haunted her thoughts like the Wraiths that moved through the mists here. Months of repeated rape and torture, both body and soul, passed along through the trio like some favored toy passed among friends. Gareth… Galain’s Father, her captor. He had shamed but not broken her. Between them he and his Mistress had broken An’Thaya’s bond to her husband, taken her so close to the point of death that he had believed her to be.
Avathar had brought her back, and he had been the one to break her. The bastard had worn Galain’s face, twisted her perceptions and tried to force a child on her. The length of time he had tortured her before that was a blur… and the nature of it buried beneath madness. Afterwards… crimson agony filled her vision… wings and scales… freedom… for a time.
So… that is where you came from.
Aye, the Crimson answered softly. From your madness came my birth.
But even you couldn’t protect me.
Not forever…
Iavan had been the last. Keeping her caged like an animal in Alcarinque. It was there that Galain had found her, broken and quite mad. With sanity came unbearable shame, for him to have seen her that way…
I never told him about Gareth and Avathar…
Why should you? Where was he while they were taking everything from you?
In her arms… passing grief… finding happiness and joy…
And why didn’t you kill her?
Because… I didn’t have the strength… or the will. I am not An’Thaya D’Riel Alcarin… I am … just a shadow… nothing more.
Shadow wasn’t sure why she didn’t bother using the emerald thread that stood out so blazingly on the tapestry in her mind. She knew the other woman wouldn’t be able to feel it. Shadow silently snorted, she didn’t know that at all anymore, there had been quite a few things that had changed. So, instead she tracked the Amazon down the mundane way. She followed the light of the fire. Mentally she was thanking both women for, unknowingly, giving her something else to think about. Sooner or later she was going to have to spill the beans and tell Bran about what happened.
Let him worry about his son first. She scolded herself as she climbed the steps; not bothering about keeping her foot falls quiet. As a matter-of-fact she purposely made more noise than was needed, or what she was accustomed too, giving the other woman time to do any sort of adjustment to her appearance as was needed.
“Aya?” She called out as she neared the top of the stairs.
The redhead was actually relieved to hear Shadow’s voice. It was now a familiar sound, one well remembered, and yet again her fingers stroked the feather that had been woven into her hair millennia ago. The nickname grounded her to reality, reminded her that there were reasons she couldn’t fall apart. Too many people relied on her for too many things these days. She was no longer that wild untamed Amazon Galain had met and charmed into loving him. That woman had died at the hands of three men, and someone completely different had come out the other side. Perhaps she was no longer what Galain wanted or needed, but she didn’t have the strength to let him go. Adarin loved the woman she had become, Ghet considered her a friend. To change what she was… would change everything.
“I’m here,” she called out, “over here Shady.”
The forest elf grinned at the familiar shortening of her name and followed the voice, grateful for the recognizing tone. She stopped beside the watch fire and crossed her arms; forest green eyes scanned the darkened horizon.
“A person could lose their mind gazing into that blackness, forget so many things…but only for a little while. Then it all comes back to bite you in the ass.” The corner of her mouth curled up in her unusual grin and she jerked a thumb over her finger. "That was one hell-of-a punch." Shadows eyes sparkled impishly in the firelight.
“Does it have to bite quite so hard?” Tay asked dryly, “and thank you. Tager always told me, if you are going to do something, put your whole heart into it. No use wasting the effort if you aren’t going to take it to the extreme.”
The Amazon’s blazing curls tumbled about with a shake of her head and she turned to meet Shadow’s gaze. “What… have I done to myself? How the hell did things end up like this?” A pause crept up on them and she looked away. “I feel… like I am on top of a house of cards… and one wrong move will bring them all tumbling down. How do you love someone so completely, yet hate them with every fiber of your being? Gads… I disgust myself.”
Shadow listened in silence, ‘hearing’ things that hadn’t been said as well. Contrary to popular belief, the Silverleaf Matron was sensible; it was simply something she didn’t often show.
She spread her hands out, “I think it’s one of the secrets of life, and not many realize that it can happen.” Her hands went up to what was left of the braid in her hair, her fingers working out the plats and knots in the dual colored knee length locks. She had loved in the manner of what An‘Thaya said, it wasn’t something that one walked with lightly.
“Don’t say you disgust yourself. You are a strong woman, An’Thaya D’Riel, and even strong women do things that don’t make sense. You fell in love with a male that has more short comings than Hell has levels, but when you love, it doesn’t often matter.” The forest elf turned her eyes back towards the darkness, “This is just a test in life. That house you’re standing on, would it truly improve things if it didn’t fall?” Forest green eyes turned back to watch the smaller woman’s face, “Sometimes the only way to go forward is to go back, sometimes the only way to go up is to fall.
“You’ve had a rare gift given to you, even if it did come from Samara’s lackeys. You’ve gotten a chance to return to a place in your mind when you were innocent, and with that thinking, you’ve had memories filtered back through. You’re thinking and reflecting and questioning, its something that you’ll have a need of, I think,” she felt the familiar dull throb that came with Sight, but she purposely ignored it, focusing on her friend. The corner of her lip curled up, “And the reason why it bites so hard is to make you think…I’m sounding a little like Chez, aren’t I.”
“A gift? Or a curse?” Tay sighed, her eyes watching the movements of Shadow’s fingers in the braid, “You are right though…” A wry smile turned the edge of her mouth, “You do sound a little like Chez, and I needed to hear it. I need to step back and assess my life. Sometime soon… Now isn’t the time.” The Amazon went silent for a moment, “My Father is dead… isn’t he.” It wasn’t a question, merely saying it aloud.
“Tallin killed him…” the redhead’s voice trailed off into silence as she let herself remember. “I’m sorry Shady, I need to be alone for awhile.” She briefly embraced the other woman before heading off along the wall, seeking the solace of darkness, to finally grieve for the father that had been taken from her for the second time… the last time.
Shadow nodded in partial understanding, and watched as the Amazon walked away. The forest elf turned away, the movement bringing a hiss through clenched teeth at the pain in her side. By the light of the signal fire, she inspected the wound before reaching into a small pouch attached to her hip and pulling out a silvery green leaf.
The forest elf popped the nightshade leaf into her mouth and began chewing. Glad that she was alone as she did so, the last thing she wanted was someone interfering in natural instincts that they wouldn’t understand. Spitting the chewed foliage back into her hand. Untucking that side of her shirt she smoothed the plaster like substance over the wound, hissing again at the stinging sensation. It would do for now.
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